Update

I'll be updating my blog in a few weeks. I'll need to scroll over to the profile part of the page and update our location from North Dakota to Michigan. Yeah, it's the same spot that I switched from Michigan to North Dakota a little over two years ago.

People keep asking if I am excited to be going "home." The reality is we are thrilled to be near family again. The other reality is I find myself mourning the loss of this place, the place I came to kicking and screaming. This is the place I told God I didn't want to go. Why should we go if we were being effective/helpful/useful right where we were. Oh yeah, we needed a job and they have those in North Dakota.

After God busted through every excuse and road block that I put up, I found myself in my own personal wilderness. I felt like Moses wandering around in the desert (in my case the prairies) without direction, purpose or a place to call home. I combed my Bible looking for some sort of solace, studying the word hope with the intent of finding some again.

The funny thing is I found it... I found hope. I found purpose. I found a home. God blessed us richly in our wilderness with family that we are not related to - a group of like-minded and compassionate people. We've been given occupations and service opportunities that we find a great sense of purpose out of. We've made a home here...

And now I am heartbroken to leave this place. I come to the edge of tears when I think of how long it will be until I see some of these dear people again, or to sing at the top of my lungs with arms open wide at Bethel, or to finish my work/efforts against human trafficking in this community.

It will be a different woman that will make a home in a familiar place. I am not who I was, nor do I wish to be. I am changed. I can't step back into what was, so my thoughts turn to what can be. There is a plan, a purpose, and hope. If I can be found in North Dakota - I can be found anywhere.

So let the adventures begin... again.

Crispy Gluten-Free Waffles

Had I not made these waffles myself, I would have had NO clue that they were gluten-free. They were very light and crispy. I smothered mine with blueberry sauce while the boys opted for a just a bit of powdered sugar (because they weren't allowed a LOT of powdered sugar), and my husband went the usual maple syrup route.

1 c Millet flour (sifted)
1 c Potato starch
1/2 c GF Oat flour
2 t Baking powder
3/4 t Salt
1/2 t Baking soda
1/4 t Xanthan gum
1/4 c Brown sugar
2 Eggs
2 c Milk (I used 1 c Coconut Milk + 1 c Almond Milk)
1/4 c Oil

Mix together all the dry ingredients and whisk in the wet ingredients. All to sit for 1-2 minutes for the xanthan gum to activate. If the batter seems a bit thin, add in an extra tablespoon or 2 of potato starch.

Pour batter into a screaming hot and well oiled waffle griddle. Make sure the waffles are really done and crispy before trying to remove them, otherwise they tend to stick. Once you think they are done, give it 30-60 more seconds and you'll be glad you did.

We've been really happy with our Buckwheat Waffles, but these really taste like a traditional "plain" wheat waffle. Glad to be able to offer a bit of variety.

In The Waiting

I'm not a free spirit. I enjoy a well laid out plan and order in my life, but not too much. A bit of spontaneity is necessary to ward off routine that becomes confining. As long as I have a destination, I can improvise on the plan to get there. But that doesn't seem to be God's plan for us.

We find ourselves in the landing of waiting. Life change may becoming, but answers don't seem to come. So we don't plan, don't act, and don't seem to live. We exist. We accomplish what needs to be done, and I feel a bit suffocated. I want to breathe easy and live. I long for stability.

I'm at one of those points in life that I don't know what to say or what to do. I hurry up and wait. Long for answers that don't come. Try to beg patience our of a heart that wants to race ahead and plan away.

I know my weakness is a need for control. The reality is that control is an illusion, a mirage in the desert that melts away the closer you get to it. In my quest to gain this control I only find myself tired and frustrated.

Then comes the simple words of hope and refreshment leaping from the words in the devotional book I am reading (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young). My need for answers and my longing heart such beautiful illustrations of God's provision in my life. Answers are coming, but the timing is my hang up. What would it take for me to understand and trust that the God of the universe has a perfect plan for me... faith... and that is a gift, not something I can produce.

My faith is weak and fragile. The faith that He gives is strong and unshakeable. I attempt to plan and earn. He gives and provides. I long for answers and security. He holds his arms open wide to hold me and protect me...even from myself.

For as neglectful as I've been to this blog, I'm not sure if there will even be anyone to read these words, and I'm not really writing for any response. Somehow as I sit here in the quiet the words needed to be spoken, or written to be measured and understood. The rambling thoughts in my heart and mind needed to escape to an outlet to find their freedom and voice. The reality in writing is that it helps me release the racing thoughts that bind me so that I can take hold of what is true rather than the fears that consume me.

The truth is that wherever God leads, God provides. He's proven that every step of the way.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Trifle

I had a cookie baking incident this weekend. I was making my favorite chocolate chip cookies for the cake walk at our church carnival. So, I discovered halfway into mixing the dough that I had not oatmeal to use (except for my gluten-free oats that are expensive and used carefully/sparingly). So I substituted too much flour and ended up with some very dry cookies. So I couldn't use them for the cake walk, but weren't so bad that I couldn't bring myself to through them away. And I couldn't bring myself to waste calories on something I didn't really love...

So what's a girl to do? Invent a new dessert. My mind went to the Pumpkin Toffee Trifle that I enjoy (okay, I love). The finished product is moist and amazing melding of flavors creating something greater than the sum of it's components. Could the same be true with cookies and as with cake?

So enters the Chocolate Chip Cookie Trifle. I crumbled up 2 dozen cookies and layered it with pudding mixed with whipped cream and chocolate chips.  I tested a batch right away and it tasted okay, but the cookie bits were still a bit solid and dry. However, letting the trifle set overnight made the cookies moist and tasty. The extra chocolate chips and added a bit of texture to the mix. Next time I think I would use miniature chocolate chips in the mix.

Not a bad way to redeem a baking failure.

2 Dozen chocolate chip cookies
2 lg boxes of pudding (vanilla or chocolate), prepared
1/2 c Chocolate chips (I'd prefer mini chips)
4 c Whipped Cream (about 2 c heavy cream whipped with 1/4 c powdered sugar)

Whip heavy cream with powdered sugar until soft peaks form. Fold in gently to prepared pudding. Set aside. Break cookies into small bite size pieces. Take a third of the cookies and line the bottom of a glass bowl. Spread half of the pudding mixture on top of the cookie pieces and sprinkle with half of the chocolate chips. Top with about 2/3 of the remaining cookie pieces, and then the all of the remaining pudding mixture. Sprinkle with the remaining cookie pieces and chocolate chips. Refrigerate 4-18 hours before serving.

NOTE: This makes a lot of trifle. Make sure to bring it to a party, or have a large hungry family waiting. If not, I would suggest you half the recipe.

Fruit Pizza Toast

I hosted a Christmas brunch for friends and served a variety of dishes that were red and green - including this lovely. It can easily be adapted to most dietary restrictions.

Bread (French, Gluten-free, etc.)
Butter, Palm Shortening, or Vegan Spread
Cinnamon-sugar
8 oz Cream cheese (or vegan alternative)
1/4 c Powdered sugar
2 T Milk (cow, nut, rice, hemp)
Fruit sliced thin

This simple tasty treat is a great way to use up bread (gluten-free or regular) that is starting to go stale. Spread a thin layer of butter, vegan spread, or palm shortening on small slice of bread. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar and bake in a 300 degree oven for 10-12 minutes. Remove from oven and cool.

Meanwhile, beat together cream cheese, powdered sugar, and milk. Spread a thin layer of the mixture on top of each piece of toast. Top with your favorite slices of fruit and enjoy.

No Bake Energy Bites

I found this recipe for No Bake Energy Bites and adapted it. These are great for breakfast and a quick snack. They are rich and strong flavored. I listed what I used in red.

* 1/2 c Nut butter (almond butter, peanut butter, sunflower seed butter or any other nut or seed butter)
* 1/3 c honey
* 1 c old fashioned rolled oats
* 1 c shredded unsweetened coconut (or wheat bran/germ, oat bran, some ground flax seed, ground nuts or sesame seeds.)
* 2 t vanilla
* pinch of sea salt
* 1-2 t your favorite spices or spice combination (optional - I used 1/2 t cinnamon)
* 1/2 c other add-ins (roughly chopped nuts or seeds, dried fruit, mini chocolate chips, etc)

Mix together the nut butter, honey, vanilla and salt if needed. Then mix in the remaining ingredients. I used
equal parts sesame seeds, coconut and mini chocolate chips. Mix well. Allow to chill slightly and then roll dough into 1-2" balls.

Keep refrigerated or frozen until you are ready to use. Makes approximately 18-24 depending on size.

Chicken Pot Pie

I grew up on the Banquet frozen chicken pot pies. I thought that is what a pot pie should taste like. I was wrong. I tried a pot pie at a homestyle restaurant a few years ago which was more like a bland chicken stew with a puff pastry on top. I was getting closer. Then I discovered this mixture... and I have arrived at total comfort food.

This again will fall into my category of "I made it by method rather than by measurement." I know this will drive some of you nuts, but it's just how I cook. I'll give you the best estimates of what I did, but please feel free to adapt this to fit your needs (*see below). This is a great meal for leftovers for a quick fix, or you can cook the ingredients from start to finish.

2 pie crusts (top & bottom)
2-3 c cooked chicken, diced
1-2 c cooked potato, diced*
1 c cooked carrots, diced*
2 c chicken gravy **
1/2 t salt
1/4 t pepper
1/4 t celery seeds

In a large pan, mix together all ingredients other than the pie crusts. Allow them to simmer over medium heat for 10-15 minutes to allow flavors to meld. Meanwhile, lightly sprinkle a pie tin with flour and add the bottom crust. Pour the mixture into the crust and quickly add the top crust and pinch the edges together before the heat starts to soften the dough. If it doesn't seal well due to the softened dough, that's okay, but make sure there something under the pan while cooking to catch any drippings. Make small slits in the crust with a knife to allow the steam to vent. Brush the pie crust with a bit of melted butter (optional) and sprinkle lightly with salt.

Bake at 350 for 45-55 minutes. Cover the edges of the crust with foil or a silicone ring for the first 30 minutes and remove to allow it to brown in the final minutes. I recommend placing the pie tin on a cookie sheet or put tin foil under the pan to catch any of the gravy that may drip out.

* Method - use 2 cups of veggies total - split them however you like. I like a lot of potato in mine because it makes for a hearty pie. I know peas are traditional, but I just don't care for them. Celery would be a good addition, but I didn't have any.

**Depending on what veggies you use, you may need more or less gravy. Start with less and add more as needed. The potatoes tend to absorb more.